25 Ways to Annoy Heralds
by kalim007
Summary: Who hasn’t thought about those gorgeous Companions and their perfectlooking Chosen and wanted to do something to annoy them? I mean, they are always so perfect!  R&R Please!


I am (sadly) not Mercedes Lackey. Therefore, I do not own Valdemar or the Companions. Thank you for understanding.

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This is another of the bad Valdemar TV show scripts. Thank you for reading!

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"Welcome to another episode of "25 Ways to Annoy!" I am your host, Janine Geenly, and tonight's chosen subject is… Heralds! Who hasn't watched those gorgeous horses and their perfect-looking Chosen ride by and wanted to do something to annoy them? I mean, they are always so perfect! They need a little excitement in their lives, and this show is the perfect way to show the common Valdemaran how to accomplish it! And now, right into our show!

25. Go into the Companion's field. Dig a hole. Bury yourself, but leave your hands out of the dirt. Hold some clumps of grass. Pretend to be the ground, and see how many Heralds or Companions notice. Try to avoid getting stepped on.

24. Find the foaling barn. Sneak into one of the stalls, and then pretend to be in labor. Yell for help, and tell everyone who comes that you're having the newest Companion. Make sure not to forget to stuff padding in your clothing to look the part. (This works especially well if you happen to be male.)

23. Be sure no one sees you as you sneak inside the Collegium. Enter one of the rooms of a Herald Trainee. Lay down in front of the fire, face down. If anyone asks you what you are doing, say you are a human-skin rug, just doing your part for the Heralds.

22. Head toward the Collegium, and ask the first Herald that you see about the mating habits of the Heralds. If they actually answer, ask if you can join in.

21. Put bells on your horse, and wear a white robe. Make sure it is made out of cloth, not leather. Ride through town and call out, "Make way for the Herald!"

20. Turn about 20 really hungry sheep loose in Companion's Field. See how much of the grass they can eat before someone chases them out. Make sure they don't see you or they will chase you instead of the sheep.

19. Go into the tack room for the Companions. Move every bridle one hook over.

18. Find a supplier of food for the Collegium. Buy out all the potatoes or lettuce or some other daily foodstuff.

17. Dress like a servant from the Collegium. While you are cleaning the Herald's rooms, short sheet all their beds.

16. If you aren't caught as you complete #17, go back through all the rooms you just cleaned. Steal their shoes, but just the left ones. Hide them somewhere they will eventually be found, but not for some time.

15. Find yourself a Herald. Ask if it is true that we now have a truce with the Hawkbrothers. Once they answer, ask _them _about the Hawkbrother mating circles. If they'll still talk to you, ask them if they've ever joined in.

14. Find some type of really fast-growing weed. Make sure it is something that takes over everything else and is good for nothing. Especially ensure that horses cannot eat it. Then, sneak onto the Companion's Field late and night and plant it everywhere you can get to.

13. Get yourself included as a server for the Herald's mealtime. Pick out the greasiest, most stain-inducing food you can, and grab it to offer around. Find the most important Herald you can, and dump it on them. Try to ensure it's hot, but not burning.

12. Find a disguise (if you just tried #13) so they won't recognize you in the kitchens. Present yourself as a cook's helper, and help yourself to hottest spices you can find. Then, help the cook by adding them to whatever is being cooked.

11. Sneak into the laundry at the Collegium. Dye all the Whites a lovely shade of pink (a few red stockings oughta do it). Then, after everyone is confused and milling about in general chaos, go to Companion's field with a couple of cans of pink paint and see how many Companions you can get before you get caught. When they ask you why, simply say "I was trying to make them match their Chosen!"

10. Get a white horse. Go to the marketplace and try to sell it as a Companion. Keep records of how many people try to buy the Companion. When the Guard stops you, and tries to arrest you, say you were collecting statistics on how many people were willing to buy the Companion, and inform them you were just trying to help.

9. Take all of the horses out of the regular stables and turn them out into the Companion's Field. Take care not to get caught. Make sure you do not put any white or even gray horses in there. Then run from the field screaming, "There are new colors of Companions! Come quick!"

8. Work in the laundry (again) and use the same stuff they use to bleach the leathers on the trainee's grays. Instant promotion!

7. Go to one of the Inns within a day's riding distance of Haven. Find a nice corner, and set yourself up. Paint a little sign that tells interested parties that you will be happy to read their fortunes. Name yourself "The Fortune-Telling Herald."

6. Dress yourself in bright clothes so everyone will be sure to see you. Climb into one of the decorative fountains. Make sure you have a bucket. Repeatedly fill your mouth with water and spit it out, pretending to be part of the fountain. Again, if anyone asks what you are doing, tell them you're just doing your part to help the Heralds.

5. Sneak into the laundry at the Collegium (again). Find all the sizes in the whites and the grays and switch them all around. Be quick, because there is no reason for you to be in there…

4. This one is very mean, and likely to get you in a lot of trouble, so prepare yourself for that… And remember, don't come crying to this network if you receive a harsh punishment! Get a large pile of large rocks, and throw them at the Death Bell. See how many times you can make it ring by hitting it with rocks.

3. Make your own version of the town credit chit for those who help new Herald trainees. Be sure to make several different kinds. Keep trying to turn them in for credit.

2. Get an old set of clothes you don't care about. Get a horse with dirty hooves to walk all over them. Then, put them on. Go outside the walls of Haven. Find a nice shady spot on the road, lay down, then scream, "A Herald just ran me over!" and cry pitifully whenever you see anyone.

And tonight's number one way to annoy those lovely white horses and their even lovelier Chosen is…

1. Go up to a Companion, and ask them to summon their Chosen, as you have an important bit of news. Keep insisting until you have both of them in front of you. Then, look into the Companion's eyes and inform them that you are choosing them, and now there is no need for their Chosen. Then inform the Companion of his/her new name. Then, make shooing gestures at the Herald until they leave. This may take awhile. If people try to get you to go to the medical wing, just to get checked out, insist you can't be separated from your new Companion.

Well, I hope you have enjoyed another wonderful episode of "25 Ways to Annoy!" Remember, I'm Janine Geeny, and I will see you next time, when we tell you how to annoy, harass, and otherwise antagonize perfectly innocent people! Goodnight!"

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Thanks for reading! This goes along with my other television snippet, "25 Ways to Annoy a Hawkbrother." Please review! 


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